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Who would have thought that after 12 years of being sober, I would return to drinking alcohol? I have been sober for 12 years and in these 12 years I have gotten married and had two children. My life had routine and was even helping others to successfully put their lives in order. I was doing well according to what people saw on the outside. However, the inside was a different story.

On the inside, I would always remember how my alcohol and weed made me feel good. I started to forget about all the negative effects of alcohol and weed. Family and financial stress also began to creep in. I started questioning if this is how my life is supposed to be, "mundane, structured and limited fun". I missed the fun out there at the night clubs and drinking spots. My television also did not help because there would be all these adverts on alcohol. People would also come to me for assistance and the stories they told reminded me of the "good old days". I started to believe that I am not an alcoholic and I can therefore drink just like anyone who is not.

The day came when I decided to go back to drinking. I remember it as if it was yesterday. The feeling of the alcohol down my throat and the relief of holding down my desire for over 12 years disappeared. It gave me a sense of freedom, until I started losing trust from the ones I love. I was going down an endless pit. I could sense and feel the disappointment of people who looked up to me and this brought in more pressure which I could only suppress or deal with through drinking more. On the other hand, I enjoyed the freedom and liberation I experienced from drinking, whilst my former friends from 12 years ago were excited that I have re-joined the pack.  

My struggle continues, and I am currently figuring out what went wrong and I strongly believe I will overcome my alcohol relapse one of these days. The battle is not easy but I have come to appreciate my 12 years of sobriety and look to it with a renewed sense of vigour, hope and a source of inspiration that indeed I will overcome my drinking.

If you are in a similar situation like mine and you want to quit, or you know someone who is, I encourage you to seek counseling at BOSASNet on 3959119, 72659891 or our Facebook page or twitter – BOSASNet.

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